Talk:Anthony Stolarz/GA1
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Reviewer: Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk · contribs) 00:59, 24 April 2021 (UTC)
I will be reviewing this! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 00:59, 24 April 2021 (UTC)
Lead
- New Jersey needs a comma after it.
- Texas needs a comma after it. States are always supposed to have a comma after them (unless they’re at the end of a sentence, or something like that).
- No comma needed after 2019 season, since the next clause is not independent (does not have its own subject and verb). Also, should probably be 2018-19 season.
Early life
- ”Stolarz, a New Jersey Devils fan, grew up” – grammatically correct, but since the previous sentence started with Stolarz, might be better to start this one “A New Jersey Devils fan, he grew up”
- ”Stolarz was always tall for his age, and began goaltending” – “Always tall for his age, Stolarz began goaltending”
- Start the second paragraph differently so two in a row don’t start with Stolarz?
- Put a semicolon after Pee-Wee Hockey Tournament; since there are so many commas in the sentence, the semicolon will emphasize the actual break between the independent clauses.
Amateur
- ” In 16 EmJHL appearances with the Hitmen” – redundant, probably just need “In 16 appearances”
- No comma needed after record
- ”with 3.19” – “with a 3.19”
- Need comma after New York
- ” starting goaltender, and went” – kind of a run-on sentence. How about “starting goaltender. He went”
- ” in the 2013 OHL playoffs” – “in the first rounds of the 2013 OHL playoffs” – helps differentiate this from the subpar performance against Barrie.
- ” the Saginaw Spirit, and was” – “the Saginaw Spirit. He was”
- ” for the January injury” – “for the injury” – no other one listed to differentiate from.
- ” on March 26, 2014 after” – don’t need 2014, since you’ve already shown that we’ve moved into the 2014 calendar year.
Philadelphia Flyers
- After first mention of the Phantoms, may want to add that they are part of the American Hockey League. Then, spell out American Hockey League on first mention.
- ”November 27, 2016” – comma after 2016.
- ”to a one-year, two way contract” – “to one-year, two way contracts” – way it is now implies that both goalies signed the same contract.
Edmonton Oilers
- This section looks good!
Anaheim Ducks
- ”$1.5 million contract, where he served with John Gibson and Ryan Miller in a three-goaltender rotation” – Since he spent most of the season in the minor leagues, I don’t think we should say he was part of a three-goaltender rotation. How about “$1.5 million contract. He had competition for a roster spot, as the Ducks also had veterans John Gibson and Ryan Miller under contract.”
- Don’t bother to mention the preseason opener debut—not really relevant.
International play
- This section looks good!
References
This section looks good!
Kncny11 Great start! Just a few comments; let me know when these are addressed, and I’ll give the article another look! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:46, 25 April 2021 (UTC)
- Sanfranciscogiants17 Thanks for your review! Now that I'm not drowning in work, all comments have been addressed. Kncny11 (shoot) 18:14, 30 April 2021 (UTC)
@Kncny11 Looks great now, passing. Well done! Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 00:24, 1 May 2021 (UTC)